Stephen Stills reviews the New Wave - Rolling Stone - June 1977

from Rolling Stone's "Rock Star Rate-A-Record" column June 1977

Ramones –“Sheena is a Punk Rocker”:

This is that punk shit everyone’s going nuts over? Sounds like four 6-year-olds picking up instruments for the first time. This sucks.

The Clash –“White Riot”:

This is worse than the one you just played me. Whatever happened to singing? Is this some kind of pro-KKK thing? This is what we marched against back in the sixties!

Fleetwood Mac –“Dreams”:

Now that’s more like it. This is a monster record by a great band. Listen to that groove my man Mick is laying down. Oh, Stevie, you are my number one gypsy goddess.

Sex Pistols –“God Save the Queen”:

Johnny ‘Rotten’ is right. What a crock of shit this band is. They think they’re dangerous? They’ve never seen Crosby when the burgers and beers run out.

The Eagles –“Hotel California”:

Wow. This could be the best thing these cats have ever done. And that is saying something. Joe Walsh is killing it on that solo, too. A+

Patti Smith –“Hey Joe”:

First question: is this a guy or a chick? Second question: How much do I have to pay him/her to never ruin another classic rock song again?

Foreigner –“Feels Like the First Time”:

Now THIS is what the new rock and roll should sound like. The guitar is loud and dirty but also tasteful. And this guy can sing. Hey, Clash…school’s in session…and Foreigner is your teacher!

update 1/15/23

Too good to be true! Indeed this appears to be some kind of skillfully executed spoof, since Rolling Stone never had a column of this name and these words do not appear in the RS archive online. The perpetrators appear to be these folk  - and here below is the whole post with its original set-up (a supposed story about Stills needing bodyguards to protect against enraged punk rockers). There is also a final 'review' (Richard Hell and the Voidoids) that somehow lopped off during the internet migrations of this skit, perhaps deliberately because it's where the rather well done parody of Still's truculent manner gets too over the top to fool anyone.

Stephen Stills vs. Punk Rock 

May 1st, 2007 

by Scharpling & Wurster

Guys, 

My buddy told me that in the mid-70s, Stephen Stills had a bodyguard to protect him from members of the Clash, the Ramones and other bands. Is this true? And if so, what did Stills do that made these punks hate him so much?

thanks,

Tim Hawkins

Kincaide, TX

Tim,

For a brief period in the mid-seventies, Rolling Stone magazine featured a section called Rock Star Rate-A-Record. The concept was simple: Sit a rocker down with a handful of current releases and let them give mini-reviews. Nothing illustrated the chasm between the new punk upstarts and the older rock establishment better than the June, 4 1977 Rate-A-Record session with Stephen Stills... 

Ramones, Sheena is a Punk Rocker: This is that punk shit everyone’s going nuts over? Sounds like four 6-year-olds picking up instruments for the first time. This sucks.

The Clash, White Riot: This is worse than the one you just played me. Whatever happened to singing? Is this some kind of pro-KKK thing? This is what we marched against back in the sixties!

Fleetwood Mac, Dreams: Now that’s more like it. This is a monster record by a great band. Listen to that groove my man Mick is laying down. Oh, Stevie, you are my number one gypsy goddess.

Sex Pistols, God Save the Queen: Johnny Rotten is right. What a crock of shit this band is. They think they’re dangerous? They’ve never seen Crosby when the burgers and beer run out.

The Eagles, Hotel California: Wow. This could be the best thing these cats have ever done. And that is saying something. Joe Walsh is killing it on that solo, too. A+

Patti Smith, Hey Joe: First question: is this a guy or a chick? Second question: How much do I have to pay him/her to never ruin another classic rock song again?

Foreigner, Feels Like the First Time: Now THIS is what the new rock and roll should sound like. The guitar is loud and dirty but also tasteful. And this guy can sing. Hey, Clash…school’s in session…and Foreigner is your teacher!

Richard Hell and the Voidoids, Blank Generation: You belong to the Blank Generation, huh? Well, I belong to the Musician’s Union, and I will do everything within my power to get your and all these other punk asshole’s instruments impounded. Let me take this one home with me, ok? I’m out of toilet paper.